The Longing!

“She woke up wrapped in his arms and his breath warm and subdued caressed her forehead. The little grin on her face slowly grew and etched from ear to ear at the mere sight of him sleeping, for all she knew with deep conviction she was destined to wake up like this for many years to come, desperately hoping, she clung on to him even tightly.”

She woke up to the screeching sound of the alarm, dreadfully she made her way through the sheets below which she lay, she saw him sleeping, envied and navigated her way through the room to the washroom. She woke her children up, made the breakfast, packed lunch for everyone. She combed her hair; let it loose a little (he liked it that way) wore his favorite color sari; she put on a little face cream not too much that her husband would scowl, but enough to deepen the intensity of the compliment that would follow which would make her heart skip a beat.

“So, how do I look?” she would ask.

“You exude radiance; you look like the one of shining apples from the orchids of Kashmir.”

“She blushed and snapped in curtly, I know!”

She waited by the phone with bated breath for him to call and pour in the news and gossip from the office, not to mention the daily praise for the food he ate for lunch. She clung on to the phone, the speaker digging her ears in a fear that she might miss out on something. She savored every word of their conversation off and on the phone, during the day and night.

She loved the little talks they had at nights, the long walks they took after supper but dreaded the little quarrels they had at times, fearing that she might end up waiting the entire day for his phone call the day after. She knew he fought because he cared, he just chose a different way to show it.

She wished she could salvage every moment of them being together, fearing they would perish she wanted to save them all, albeit she knew that she might falter at one point of time, because life is all about hardships and only few have the chance to face them all let alone the courage to face them.

And, then one day the clock struck and the time came to a whining halt. Memories started breaking down to smithereens, and then they slowly started to fade, etchings only deepened during the pursuit of letting them not fade; but time erodes everything, memories were no exception.

The clinking sound of the alarm broke in through the silence that filled the room, she dreaded it more than ever, made an attempt to shut it but failed miserably, she woke up turned it off, looked beside not a single muscle of her face moved, dauntless she looked around and pulled the bed sheet over her face.

She looked herself in the mirror and was greeted by a small, frail and expressionless woman. She picked out a sari randomly and loathed the fact that she forgot the art of choosing. She let her hair tangle not bothering to comb it, nor acknowledging the fact that she had to put on a little face cream, for all she knew the compliments that usually followed ceased to pamper her ears. They ceased with him.

She kept herself busy during the day, because she dreaded the fact that being idle would make her hope for the phone to ring one last time. The long talks, walks and the little quarrels no longer made her day, but, longing, momentary satisfaction, and dreading happiness do; dreading because she was guilty of being a part of it all alone.

The longing to hold hands, savor his voice, dress for him, laugh with him, to fill him emotionally and physically elevated with every passing day, and she knew longing was the least she could do to bring back the memories from the past. The past she couldn't defy, the past she couldn't stand up against, the past that she lost him to.

She no longer radiates, but the etchings and wrinkles have grown too quickly and have dampened the charm she carried, she still looks like one of the apples from the orchids of Kashmir, but the one, which will fall at the lightest of winds.

Taking No for an Answer!

Denying someone something often comes at an awful price, but what if that is the only choice people were left out with or say intend to prefer. Pursuing someone has got its own limitations, one does not deny you something for no reason except for women, call me a sexist, but that is okay they deserve a little more pursuing. I digress before I invite brickbats for this post.

I see people putting a proposal and then putting in all the efforts they could to make it work, well, that is not how it is supposed to happen now, is it? One has to understand and must make sure that when you put in a proposal your hearing organs have the tendency to decipher the letters “N and O”. How hard is it anyway? How long would you want us to navigate through our mind and come up with an excuse?

One might argue that we pursue because we care, and we would love you to be a part of it, agreed. But how about arguing about the thin line that separates “caring and possessing”? Having said that, I might sound curt, downright obstinate if you will but, you got to understand denial has been chosen and I am in pursuit of sticking to it, wouldn’t it be better if the realization arrived sooner? It definitely would. You will have to accept the denial with utmost suaveness with which you have put in the proposal, else you will have to lead a hard life later on.

It so happens that people wouldn’t comply when they are asked to, but they wish others to do so when they comes knocking. You see “birds of same feather flock together.” I do not wish to imply that idiom here fully but, just because you failed to comply does not mean I would too, I have my own reasons, and I would comply if I had the intention or the desire to, denying always is not my cup of tea anyway, nor is acceptance. 

It is a hard but true fact that the coin has 2 sides, flipping it and wishing for both sides is not cool. People often have the misconception that when one gives in, they all game for it, I beg to differ, they gave in just because giving in would put an end to the misery right there, regardless of whether they like it or not. And, you are in for a treat if you encounter people who have the knack of throwing in the pretense, and digressing later. 

The pretense often hurts more than the outright denial. You expect, hope and then reality strikes, it strikes hard. I have seen people become victims of the pretense over and over again; why not accept the denial in the first place? What pleasure would one derive from pursuing? Nothing, I reckon.

Albeit accepting denial always is hard, but what if you were supposed to? One has to understand they cannot have their way every time, some people give in, for all they know denying further would only elevate the ongoing misery. Not all have the tendency to satisfy everyone’s hunger, few tend to walk a different path, not just because they carry some kind of I-do not-give-a-damn attitude, it is just that they like to keep it to themselves and it is better if one realizes that soon.

The Peep Show!

So, how is everything going with you? This by far is the most clichéd statement that has penetrated my ear lobe despite my commendable efforts to resist it from doing so- Ignoring people. It doesn’t quite end with that very statement; it is followed by few more clichés that at one point makes you go nuts. I must admit that the efforts people put in to peep in to your life forgetting the fact that they have got one to look after is praise worthy.

Now, how hard it is for anyone to understand that everyone has his own life, own expectations, freedom, right to act and think (at least). One has to understand that not all humans have the compulsive desire to know what’s cooking in others life, and when they don’t bother peeping in yours, you SHOULD NOT too.

Had my trysts people ended in the way I expected them too, I would not have been scripting this article with deep contempt. It is so funny at times to see people put in efforts to know what you have been up to and then try navigating through it as if it is their own life. It doesn’t quite end with what you are up to; it is followed by; why? How? Why not like this? And, finally with “This is what you should have”!

“You are doing it all wrong, you should have done it this way”- Did I seek your advise now? I am pretty matured enough to know the repercussions, was I not ready to face them I would not have done what I am doing in the first place. I would rather respected your advise was it offered and put in a more mature way, but you my dear friend had to poop all over it.

People chose the path that they feel can tread, others since time immemorial have no right to try to make them tread another path. You are not the one walking the path for them, right? You shouldn’t bother then. For all you know, it is easy for you to blabber all you want, but you will grow a cold feet when you have to walk along with them. So cut it out or grow a pair, seriously.

One might argue that this happens with someone you are not close to, I beg to differ. You just cannot keep relatives out of your life, NO you cannot, they come back strong every time you cut them out. 

“So, you looking for a Job I heard”, and I am like this is the first time I realized you existed and it is silly you heard something about me! “So why don’t you look for a better job or go for higher studies?” and I am like you don’t even know what I am doing, asking me to do something better is ridiculous. “You are almost 23 now, when are you planning to get settled and have kids?” and this where I try to gather all the resistance I can to not hit people. Seriously, who thinks to have kids at the age of 23? 

As Don Corleone from The Godfather says and I quote “Everything small shit that happens in someone’s life is personal”, so you got to understand it is not for public display. To each his own. 

You play your role when you are asked to, not because you have the compulsive disorder to cast in every play. You peep once, twice and if you don’t feel things are going to change, you end the peep show, because it is high time you realise that you have got a live that needs peeping too.